Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
