I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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