Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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