Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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