My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
