I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
