awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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