Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
