don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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