I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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