He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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