At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
