Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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