Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
