I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
