Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
