Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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