She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need a beard to bite.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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