too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
