ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
