I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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