I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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