1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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