I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
