Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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