I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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