I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
