It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
