oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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