uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
