she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
