Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
