Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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