just come out here and I will go home with you...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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