Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
