Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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