Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
