My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
