is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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