Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
