I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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