somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
