Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
