i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
