I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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