Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
