Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
