somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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