Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
