You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
